Why Men Masturbate – 98% of all men masturbate – and the other 2% are lying. Yes, it’s an old joke, but like many jokes, there’s a real kernel of truth hidden inside the laugh.
Most men, single or married, do masturbate, and despite what their wives or girlfriends might think, it often has very little to do with how much sex they’re getting.
So, why do men spank the monkey, choke the chicken, apply the hand brake, polish the rocket, or date Rosy Palmer and her five daughters? There are probably as many reasons as there are men, but these are some of the most common:
- To ease the pressure. If a man is sexually aroused and cannot complete the act, he develops a condition not-so-fondly known as blue balls. Masturbation to orgasm eases that pain.
- To ease stress. Let’s face it; after a long, hard day in the cube farm, sometimes nothing relaxes a guy like a good brisk session of self-pleasure. Orgasms are like Valium, only without a prescription and without side effects.
- To relieve social anxiety. If a guy is going out on a date with a new lady, he may rub one out before he gets ready for the evening. Then he can relax and concentrate on being an enjoyable companion, not spend the evening wondering if he can get her undressed.
- To enjoy a fantasy. Most of us have fantasies of some kind that we’re probably never going to experience. When a man masturbates, he can fantasize about whoever or whatever he wants, all in the privacy of his own mind. If he wants to masturbate while he imagines nailing the Queen of England while an entire herd of sheep gather around and applaud, it hurts no one—not him, not his girlfriend, not the queen, and not even the sheep.
- To keep the parts in working order. The sad reality is, when it comes to the penis, use it or lose it. A big part of what enables a man to get and keep an erection is his track record of getting and keeping an erection.
- To avoid diseases. Despite what your Sunday school teacher might have told you, masturbation does not cause blindness, insanity, or hair on the palms of your hands. It also doesn’t cause genital warts, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, or HIV.
- It’s just easier. Any man worth the name wants to please his sexual partner. However, sometimes a guy just wants to concentrate totally on his own pleasure. In masturbation, it only matters when one person comes.
- Pain relief and sleep aid. Masturbation to orgasm releases all those wonderful chemicals that ease pain and help a guy fall asleep. It’s a lot cheaper and safer than pills or booze.
- To keep the “swimmers” healthy. Sperm, like many other organic materials, has an expiration date. When a man masturbates to orgasm, he gets rid of the older stock, so to speak, and his body gets busy making fresh sperm, which will swim better if given the chance to do so.
- It’s fun. Let’s face it, masturbation is one of the very few activities that doesn’t cost money, doesn’t need special equipment (everyone has a washcloth), doesn’t require formal clothing or company manners, doesn’t make you fat or hung-over, and can be done on your schedule and no one else’s. Masturbation is the ultimate cheap, legal thrill.